Nailed!--Part 1

Last night, our pastor nailed me to the wall during our weekly Bible Study.

A little background is in order before I get to the convicting part.

I grew up in a home where there was constantly the threat of abandonment. Anytime something was wrong, I heard these words, "I'm leaving." My father and eventually my step-father would pack their suitcases and leave the house. This all left me feeling scared of my future. What would become of me? Where would I go? etc.

This carried through to my marriage. There was a transition period during the first few years of my marriage where I wondered if there was anything I could do to make my sweetie mad enough that he too would abandon me. Fortunately, the Lord knew that I needed someone stable and who could show me His unconditional love. And I've healed a lot in this area. I've come to the place where if I know someone loves me and will not abandon me, I can trust them more. I can speak up when hurt and the conflict is resolved immediately.

BUT....

Over the past couple of years, I've struggled with conflict outside of my immediate family. The Lord has allowed several instances where He has brought me to a place where I needed to resolve a conflict. Previously, I had I managed to escape (overlook) most of the conflict in my life until the Lord allowed some deeper hurts that could not be overlooked.

I tried to resolve those in Biblical ways according to Matthew 18. But not all of the instances were resolved in the way I would have liked.

At any rate, last week I was confronted with 2 opportunities for growth in this area. Let me say upfront that these 2 opportunities were resolved beautifully. And I rejoice that they were.

BUT....

I saw something new in my heart that I had not seen before. FEAR!

I recognized that I feared conflict to the point that I lost sleep over it. It consumed my thoughts. I worried and fretted over responses and reactions. It affected my relationships with my family.
I realized that I was worrying about the responses of men over obedience to God.

So what was I to do with this revelation? (See Nailed! Part 2)