Rest

I woke up last night feeling like I was in a fog...like a bear waking up from hibernation with that groggy feeling like I was awake and aware of things, but not fully.

What was on my heart was rest...Rest in the Lord and what that looks like.

The picture in my mind was of the "path of rest" with 2 ditches on either side. One ditch was "striving" and the other was "laziness."

And then I began to think about the pits. Striving is the one I fall into most often and am most familiar with. It has it's roots in pride! I want everything to look perfect-my house, my kids, my life. Why? So that others will admire ME.

Most recently, my striving has come at the expense of my kids. I cannot shake the thoughts of getting them prepared for college, and there is never enough that can be done to get them to that point. These thoughts are always at the forefront of my mind.

But the other pit of laziness is just as deadly. Waiting for things to "just happen" and not acting can be just as sinful. And God has strong words for the lazy. God says the sluggard is worthless and wicked in Proverbs 6.

God wants us to rest. He modeled it for us when He rested on the 7th day of Creation. He commanded the children of Israel to rest one day out the week. And He tells us that Christ is our rest and to rest in Him.

So how does that practically work out? I will be the first to say that I'm just learning and taking baby steps. But here are some ideas for me:

1. Keep my eyes focused on the Lord and His rest. Recognizing the pits is helpful, but focusing on not falling into one of them is only going to land me in the mire.

2. When I am feeling overwhelmed or anxious, I should cry out to the Lord for help. Only by His grace can I keep on the path.

3. Examine my heart and repent of sinful motives and actions--whether they be striving or slothful.

4. Continue to work as unto the Lord, but leave the results to Him--for He alone knows the path that we have before us. And also the path of our children.

So how about you? Would you like to join me on God's path of rest?

Be encouraged as God's Word reminds us in Psalm 116. "Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you."

22 years old today!

Some of you may be surprised to find that I'm 22 years old today. Some may think I'm lying. Or delusional! But I assure you--it's true!

22 years ago today-January 23-I was born again! So it's my spiritual birthday. Today, I am 22 years old in the Lord.

For those of you who do not know my story, here's the short version....

In January of 1988, I was a freshman in college. My mom called me and told me that my father was in the hospital in a coma and was going to die of cirrhosis of the liver. I had not seen him for about 10 years. But I was hoping that he would come back, be changed, and save me from the difficulties of life.

Needless to say, my dad was not going to save me from anything. But God had a different plan to reveal my True Savior.. He put me in a dorm on a floor with about 10 girls who happened to be in Campus Crusade for Christ. They had been witnessing to me and my roommate. They explained to me about my need for Christ.

I repented and put my trust in my true Savior, Jesus Christ. And life has never been the same. I have an abundant life--full of God's wonderful blessings. It's not always easy. But I know He is always with me. And I'm so thankful for the most wonderful gift I could have every received.

New Year 2009

Here it is New Year's Eve. 2008 is almost over and 2009 is about to begin.

2008 was an interesting year.

Here are some highlights.

1. Todd and I celebrated 17 years of marriage. I am so very blessed to have my best friend as my husband. He is the BEST! And my love and respect for him continue to grow as the years go by. Every year I think--"How could I love him any more than I already do?" And every year, I love him all the more!

2. Z. played baseball for HSAA. He had a great season and will be playing again this coming Spring. I love baseball and can't wait for the games to begin. He has been growing in the Lord and in character. He excels in school. And is getting more and more proficient in speechifying!

3. J. turned 13. He also is doing well in his studies. He played HSAA football this past fall and had a blast. He is a natural in speech and was blessed to perform at the Lone Star Storytelling Festival. I can't wait to see how the Lord uses him for His own glory.

4. JJ is doing very well with violin. He is my sensitive and sweet child--always considering others. He still wants to be an astronaut. I'm still not sure I'm up for the adventure. But the Lord knows.

5. K. turned 2 and continues to bless us all. She brings much laughter and sweetness to our family. And she's all girl! Pink, lace and frills. She already learning how to be a hostess. At our ladies' tea I overheard her telling the guests as they were leaving, "Bye. Thank you for coming!" It was so cute!

6. We went to Disney this year with our extended family. We had fun with the family. But had some trouble with the hotel and we lost our camcorder on the trip home. So it was a hard trip. We hope to return soon to have a better experience. K. wants to see "Cinderelli."

7. I have been blessed to teach apologetics to the kids in our speech club. I have grown so much myself as I've studied. And I look forward to continued growth as I study more this year.

8. In November, we decided to look for a local home church. We were travelling too far and it was hard to maintain relationships. So we are in the process of looking for a church now. I think we have found one. But we want to go through the member's class first.

I can't wait to see what 2009 brings. I pray that we all grow closer to the Lord in 2009. May He alone be glorified in everything we think, say, do and feel!

Fairness and the Sovereignty of God

Many times we look at our circumstances and from our perspective things seem unfair.

But when we take a step back we can see that God is trying to teach us a bigger lesson.

This past weekend at the speech tournament I was in the TAB room. Let me tell you first off that those ladies back there are AMAZING! You have no idea how many things they are juggling to get everyone to the right place, to be fair and above reproach and to keep things running as close to time as possible.

I had the privilege of filing ballots so I knew how my children were doing after each round and who would be in his room each time.

Z did very well (even amongst top competitors) in the first round. But 2 things happened in the second round to off set those initial good rankings...

1. He was placed in the exact same room with the same competitors (only one new competitor) and
2. The judges asked the students to choose their topic at the judges table before going to their card box.

This 2nd thing threw Z off. And when he couldn't find the card he had chosen in his box, he had a choice
1. To give up
2. To make an appeal.

2 years ago, he would have given up. But this time, he made an appeal to the judges. They accepted it and he was able to continue. He didn't do as well in that round. BUT....I can tell you that I am more proud of him for making that appeal than any award that he could have won.

On Sunday morning I was reading through his ballots and was so blessed. When we started 2 years ago, every one of his ballots said "More eye contact" or "Don't read your card". This time everyone of his ballots said "Great eye contact" and "Confident and sincere."

What a long way we've come since the beginning.

So why the title Fairness and the Sovereignty of God? Because looking at the situation in the natural, I could focus on how things might seem unfair, but in the bigger picture and in the Sovereignty of God we learned a more valuable lesson!

I pray that the next time we are tempted to complain about fairness in any aspect of life that we will take a step back and remember that God is in control and look for the bigger lesson he has for us.

Christmas Reflection

I was thinking about Christmas this morning while I was making breakfast and before everyone was up.

All the preparation up to "the event." The decorating, putting up the Christmas tree, purchasing gifts and wrapping them and putting them under the tree, Advent devotionals, the Advent calendar, buying the food for Christmas breakfast and Christmas dinner. Each thing a sign that Christmas is getting closer.

And how we all anticipate the moment-- The kids waking up and sitting on the top step, then coming down to open stockings. The excitement is so real. It's even hard for the kids (and me) to sleep on Christmas Eve cause we are so excited.

And I had the thought that that same anticipation should be how I feel about the Lord Jesus returning. As the signs get closer my heart should leap and the return of my King. And as I think on that moment when I see my Lord face to face and reflect on his return I am filled with that same anticipation that I felt this morning. Come quickly, Lord Jesus. For your bride has made herself ready!

Memorizing Scripture

I've decided it's time to get serious about memorizing scripture. I've gone back and forth with memorizing a verse here and there. But I've been challenged how JJ has memorized James 1 and is working on James 2.

I just read this article by Dr. Davis on the Value of Scripture Memorization and intend to put this into practice.

Since our church is going through Colossians, I figure that would be a good place to start.

So my start date for memorizing Colossians is December 12th. And my goal for finishing is April 9th.

May the Lord bless the meditation of His Word and help me to accomplish this goal.

Worship

I was recently challenged by this sermon by Rick Gamache on worship.

You can download it from Desiring God here.

In it he gives this quote, "Pleasure is the measure of our treasure." And goes on to expound that what we take pleasure in most is what we treasure most. How do we spend our time? What do we think about most? On what do we spend our money?

Sadly, I shudder to think how much time I spend thinking on all kinds of things--what my plans are for the day, the week and the month, what the children need to be doing, how am I gonna get everything that I need to do accomplished? What do others need from me? Etc.

I wonder if this is idolatry? For the end of all of this thinking doesn't really seem to lead to glorifying God.

Now I'm not saying that every thought needs to be only on the Lord with my head in the Bible and all money only applied to Christian pursuits. But...I'm praying that my pleasure will be more and more found in the Lord and that this will be reflected more and more in my actions, throughts, words, deeds (and expenditures. :-))

Glorifying God

The first question in the Westminster Confession is:

What is the chief end of man?

And the answer is:

Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

And so I am learning that this is much deeper than I at first thought.

It seems easy to glorify God. To praise Him daily in all circumstances whether good or bad.

But at all times of the day? Am I glorifying Him in every thought, word, and deed?

I've even been thinking on my motivations for deeds. If I had to give one motivation for most of my good deeds, it would be to bless others. And while this may be a good motivation, I'm afraid it's not the best. You see, when I am looking to bless others, my heart may still be off the mark. What benefit is there to me for wanting to bless others? While I think my motivations are mostly pure, I'm wondering if I do not derive some benefit in blessing others--a good reputation, kind words, expressed appreciation, etc. And I admit some pride that comes from those things and some amount of self-gratification. There is some of ME in the equation.

Instead, I think my motivation in every thought, word and deed should be to glorify God. This is a huge paradigm shift for me. For if I am looking only for God's glory, then when the accolades do not come, when I am overlooked or unappreciated, then I can just trust the Lord that somehow He is getting glory--instead of wanting even some small part for myself.

Now how to live that out, that is another story. But I pray that the Lord will help me! For truly I cannot do it on my own! And may it be all for His glory!!

Nailed!--Part 2

So now that I had come to the conclusion that I was more worried about MY reputation instead of God's. What was I to do? I figured that I just needed to trust the Lord that He would help me through my fear and to thank Him for this trial.

BUT...I only had part of the solution.

On Wednesday evening at church our pastor talked about intimacy, control, and sin.

He gave the following definition of true intimacy, "The ability to real (genuine) with another person." How can I be real with someone if I'm holding back because I'm afraid of hurt?

Then he led us through this passage in Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

We are to rejoice always! When things are tough and when things are easy. When we are being blessed and being cursed. When we are at peace with everyone, and when we are in conflict.

When we are fretting, we are in sin! We are not trusting God and taking matters into our own hands. And here was where I was nailed! I needed to recognize that this was not just an area of weakness, but also of SIN!

I was in sin! I was trying to control the outcome of my conflict. It was more important to me to have everyone like me (i.e. not reject me) and so my worry came from putting man's opinion over God's. And trying to do everything right so that the results would be favorable.

But what I must learn is that it is more important to be obedient to the Lord than to be anxious about man, conflict and the results.

As long as I am being kind, speaking the truth in love and humble, then when He asks me to speak up in a situation I need to be obedient and trust in Him for the results whether they are favorable or not!

Help me, dear Lord! I want to follow You! So when these overwhelming feelings of fear come, help me to cast my cares upon You, to pray and be thankful and to trust You more! And then, let me experience Your peace that surpasses all understanding! And when I'm fretting, help me to repent of that sin and to seek You all the more!

To God be the glory! (Even in conflict!)

Nailed!--Part 1

Last night, our pastor nailed me to the wall during our weekly Bible Study.

A little background is in order before I get to the convicting part.

I grew up in a home where there was constantly the threat of abandonment. Anytime something was wrong, I heard these words, "I'm leaving." My father and eventually my step-father would pack their suitcases and leave the house. This all left me feeling scared of my future. What would become of me? Where would I go? etc.

This carried through to my marriage. There was a transition period during the first few years of my marriage where I wondered if there was anything I could do to make my sweetie mad enough that he too would abandon me. Fortunately, the Lord knew that I needed someone stable and who could show me His unconditional love. And I've healed a lot in this area. I've come to the place where if I know someone loves me and will not abandon me, I can trust them more. I can speak up when hurt and the conflict is resolved immediately.

BUT....

Over the past couple of years, I've struggled with conflict outside of my immediate family. The Lord has allowed several instances where He has brought me to a place where I needed to resolve a conflict. Previously, I had I managed to escape (overlook) most of the conflict in my life until the Lord allowed some deeper hurts that could not be overlooked.

I tried to resolve those in Biblical ways according to Matthew 18. But not all of the instances were resolved in the way I would have liked.

At any rate, last week I was confronted with 2 opportunities for growth in this area. Let me say upfront that these 2 opportunities were resolved beautifully. And I rejoice that they were.

BUT....

I saw something new in my heart that I had not seen before. FEAR!

I recognized that I feared conflict to the point that I lost sleep over it. It consumed my thoughts. I worried and fretted over responses and reactions. It affected my relationships with my family.
I realized that I was worrying about the responses of men over obedience to God.

So what was I to do with this revelation? (See Nailed! Part 2)

Praying for Others

Last week I heard neat sermon on the radio by Mike Faberez of Focal Point Radio on Colossians 1:9-12

For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and long suffering with joy;giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light.

This passage contains 4 verbs that can help us as we pray for others. Just to preface, I don't think of this as a formula as much as part of an outline to help me as I pray for others.

So how can we pray for others?
1. That they would be fruitful. They would have good fruit as they grow in godliness. That they would increase in good deeds as evidence of the change Christ has made in their hearts and as they grow in Him. This is not a striving, but the outpouring of what He's done in our lives. Remembering that faith without works is dead. If there are no works in our lives, then we should examine ourselves to make sure that we are in the faith.

2. That they would increase in knowledge of God. This would include reading and studying the Bible, listening to sermons and applying them to our lives. Mentoring relationships, Bible studies, memorizing the Word, that each person on your prayer list would not be a hearer only, but a doer who acts, etc.

3. That they would be strengthened. Empowered by God to live a godly life. To overcome temptation and sin. To make it through trials and tribulations. To have the courage to stand up and face their fears. To overcome the flesh and its desires. To make it through each day. To obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit

and
4. That they would live joyfully, giving thanks to the Lord in everything. Not grumbling and complaining, but content and at peace.

These prayers have been added to my prayer list and I pray the Lord will use them to His glory!